6 Easter B
Transcribed from a
sermon given
At St. Barnabas
Episcopal Church, Arroyo Grande
On May 13, 1012
By Rev. Valerie Ann
Hart
John 15:9-17
What is a friend? Jesus says to
his disciples, I do not call you servants any longer… but I have called you
friends.” What does it mean to be a friend? Think about someone who is a really
good friend of yours. Someone whom if someone asked, you would say best describes
friendship. What is that friend like? What is the nature of that friendship?
Now friendship often comes from
associations. Our friends may be people we went to school with, or we’ve worked
with, or we have been part of a project with. Perhaps your friends are ones who
share a hobby that you enjoy or are part of a club that you go to. Perhaps we
share going to this church, or working in the thrift shop. Perhaps it is
someone that you go and stand beside a stream and you throw a hook in hoping to
catch a fish. It is somebody you share with.
Now there are different kinds of
love, and erotic love, the kind of love that leads to a long term commitment, tends
to be shown by looking at each other. You are focused on each other. And then
there is the kind of love that is affectionate. Where one person is taking care
of the other, like parental love. And that tends to be focused on one person
caring for the other. But friendship is different.
In friendship the eyes of both are
looking forward together. They are not looking at each other but at whatever it
is that they are engaged in. Whatever it is that brings them together, whether
it be a shared passion, interest or a job to be done. And friendships often
grow gradually. They start out as an acquaintenship but you discover that you
share a lot in common and as time goes by and the friendship grows deeper. You
get to know one another better even though the conversation is not focused on
your home lives. You get to see how that person reacts in different situations
and in a really good and deep friendship you know one another. You know each
other’s strengths and you now each other’s weaknesses. You see them for who
they are. The wonderful thing about a really good friendship is you can just be
yourself in that relationship. You don’t have to pretend to be anything else
because if you did your friend would look at you and say “come on, get real.”
Friendships like that are really
important. They are not necessary to live, they are not necessary for survival,
but they enrich our lives so greatly. With a friend you can get in an argument
and you know you can work it out. A friend is a kind of person that when you
ask, “Do these pants make my hips look big?” will tell you the truth. A friend
is someone who will complement you when you are doing well and will critique
you when you are not. A friend is someone who celebrates with you when things
are going well, grieves with you when things are tough and is always there. A
friend is the sort of person who you haven’t talked to for six months but when
your car breaks down in the middle of nowhere at 2:00 in the morning you can
call them on the phone and they’ll come and get you. They may be cussing you
out the whole way there, but they’ll still pick you up. That is what a friend
is. A friend is a really honest relationship.
Today is mother’s day. For e one
of the greatest gifts of being a mother is watching the process in which my
children move toward becoming my friends. It is really delightful. Somewhat
like the process in which Jesus talks about the disciples who have been his
servants becoming his friends. You see I will always be my children’s mother,
that doesn’t end, but the relationship changes. When they are real little and
they are babies you are busy feeding them, and changing them, and taking care
of them, and making sure that they are warm enough, and rocking them to sleep.
All focused on their care. And then at some point as they get a little older it
starts being focused on setting boundaries, on discipline. It is about helping
these wonderful creatures turn into somewhat civilized beings. And then there
is always a time when there is tension. Because they have to get separate from
mom. And you go through that. You don’t stop loving them no matter what, but
you are sensitive to the changes. But a delightful thing can start to happen in
adulthood. Where they start becoming friends. They stop seeing you either as
the idealized mother when they were little or the pathetic mother when they are
teenagers. And they begin seeing you as a human being, with strengths and weaknesses;
with gifts and times you don’t always act perfectly. They begin to share in a
different way. And you share with them in a different way as they become your
friends.
And so it is with Christ. The relationship
with Christ changes over time. The relationship with God changes over time.
Jesus describes God as the Father. The perfect parent and in that sense we are
totally dependent upon God - God is there to nurture us and care for us and be
there for us as the perfect parent. But in this Gospel passage Jesus invites
the disciples to a different aspect of the relationship. Not one of duty and
dependence as a servant, but as a friend. As a friend who is not there primarily
for what they can get, but is in the relationship because the relationship in
itself is of value. It becomes a relationship in which the focus is on doing
what needs to be done.
Christ invites us into a
friendship that is focused on loving one another. A friendship in which our
relationship with him is focused around doing the work that he began - of
teaching the world about God’s love. It is about being God’s love and
compassion in the world. It doesn’t mean that God ever stops being our parent.
It doesn’t mean that Christ ever stops being our savior. But the friendship
adds another dimension to that relationship.
And why? Why would we want this
friendship? Jesus tells us very simply. He says, “so that your joy may be
complete.” That the completion of our joy in Christ is when we find ourselves
companions with Christ, working to bring about the kingdom of God.
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